ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT
AND SOME THAT AIN'T
Howdy folks! This here’s ol’ Pete and Rosebud comin’ at you again!
Me and the mule here went to down Silas’s store t’other day, and the fellers down there was listenin’ to Lum and Abner on the radio set. Now, I know what you’re thinkin’. You’re thinkin’ I got it all mixed up, that it was somethin’ else they was listenin’ at, that Lum and Abner ain’t been on the radio since grandpaw was a pup. They was off the radio before I was even borned. But you’re wrong. I ain’t mixed up about it atall. They’ve got records of all of them ol’ timey radio shows like that and they play ’em over the radio up here.
I mean, if you ain’t noticed, we ain’t as up to date around here as they are some places. Me and Rosebud was talkin’ about that ol’ timey stuff the other day, about what with Thanksgivin’ bein’ over and Christmas comin’ on and all that. A body’s thinkin’ just seems like it natcheral turns to ol’ timey things. All the Christmassy pitchers that you see everwhere show all the people decked out in their ol’ timey clothes and ridin’ around in sleds pulled by hosses. And candles in lantern boxes on posts for street lights. You know what I mean, all that ol’ fashion kind of stuff.
Anyway, me and Rosebud to talkin’ about it and the thing about it is, it seems like all them ol’ timey things they show in them pitchers is the up to date stuff we’ve got up here! ’Cept bein’ out in the country, we ain’t even got no street lights. But if you go somewheres, you walk. If you want it warmer, you throw another log on the fire. Everthing’s old timey up here.
Things like that bothers you, you know, if you get to thinkin’ about it. It’s like maybe the rest of the world has passed you by, like you went to sleep and woke up twenty years behind the times. While everbody else has been busy keepin’ up with modern times, me and Rosebud and ol’ Denver and everbody up here has set around and got left behind. Why is it that everbody else is havin’ modern, up to date Christmases and we’re stuck with a ol’ timey Christmas? There ain’t nothin’ fair about that. And we aim to do somethin’ about it. This year me and her is gonna do things different. We’re gonna have us a modern, 20-ought 20 model Christmas!
First thing we’re gonna do different is the Christmas tree. Me and her and ol’ Denver allus makes a big deal out of goin’ to get our tree ever year. We bundle up real good against the cold, get the axe and take off up to that field on the back side of the Ledbetter ol’ place. It’s been layin’ fallow for years, ever since he got too old to farm it, and there’s a bunch of cedar trees come up that’s just perfect for Christmas trees. There ain’t nothin’ makes no better Christmas tree than a little cedar, y’know, and there must be a hunnerd real nice’uns up there in that ol’ field and Lord knows ol’ man Ledbetter wouldn’t care if we cut ever one of ’em down and drug ’em off.
Me and Rosebud and Denver allus walks around up there and looks ’em all over and compares this’un against that’un till we find ’zactly the right one. I always let on like I’m gettin’ tired of foolin’ with it and want to get it over with and Denver and Rosebud allus acts like they can’t make up their mind about which’un we ort to get. But we’re all just playin’. It’s somethin’ we’ve always done when we’ve went to get our tree, just a little game we play with each other.
But none of that ol’ fashion stuff this year. This year we’re gonna have us one of them modern, up to date tinfoil trees! Rosebud found this’un we got in a garage sale they was havin’ down the road. You ort to see it! This here tree is real bright and shiny, looks like somebody took and turned a pine tree into tinfoil. It’s got these colored lights that you can take and shine on it and it turns it all different colors. There’s red and green and everthing. It’s real modern. I don’t know why that woman wanted to sell a Christmas tree as nice and modern as this one. Ain’t nothin’ atall the matter with it. With them lights, you don’t have to fool with decoratin’ it or nothin’.
We’ll be glad about that, about not havin’ to fool with decoratin’ the tree this year. It’s always such a bother. Up to now, it’d take two or three nights just to get the one we found up there in the field all decorated up. Well, it wouldn’t a took that long ’cept the three of us kept eatin’ all the popcorn. We’d pop a big bunch to string and put on the tree and it’d get to smellin’ so good we’d start eatin’ it and we’d eat more than we’d string. We’d string awhile and one of us would start nibblin’. After while, somebody else would decide popcorn balls was what we needed and we’d end up makin’ popcorn balls, eatin’ ’em and carryin’ on like that till the middle of the night. Then Denver’d start singin’ Christmas songs and we wouldn’t get nothin’ else atall done on the tree!
But not no more though! There won’t be no havin’ to mess with poppin’ corn and stringin’ it and all that hassle! No siree, this year we’re gonna be modern. We’ll put that tree up and plug in them colored light and we’ll be through with it. Nothin’ to do but set back and enjoy!
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