ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT
AND SOME THAT AIN'T
Howdy folks! This here's ol' Pete and Rosebud comin' at you again!
Do you 'member me tellin' you 'bout that bigfoot scare we had up here last week? How ol' Jimbo was tellin' everbody down there at Silas's store about seein' a bigfoot when he went to slop his hawgs? The problem was, though, a lot of 'em thought Jimbo was just seein' things. Finally, somebody took a notion to go see the ol' Perfesser about it 'cause he used to study 'bout 'em before he retarded from bein' a perfesser. So they brought him down to Jimbo's place to look around and make shore there hadn't really been no bigfoot up there, see, but that's when they found out there had been.
Well, after I didn't hear nothin' else, I figgered he'd gone up there to Jimbo's and hadn't found nothin' and it had all blowed over. Me and Rosebud had been out workin' in the garden and so on and all the time with a bigfoot runnin' around! We could've got eat up or somethin' and wouldn't of been none the wiser. What's the world comin' to? Ain't they s'posed to tell you when there's a bigfoot runnin' around?
I doubt we'd of ever knowed anything about it if we hadn't seen them gray gov'ment-lookin' trucks goin' up the road. There was two or three of 'em and one of 'em was pullin' a trailer with a big ol' cage in it. I ain't no rocket scientist but it don't take nary'un to figger out that somethin's amiss when you gov'ment trucks haulin' big cages like that. They're after somethin' big. It might be a dinersore but more'n likely it's that bigfoot they're after. But who knows? Me and Rosebud decided to go up there and see what we could find out.
Well, it wasn't no dinersore but you knowed that already. There was plenty of sign left by whatever Jimbo seen and ol' Perfesser poked around lookin' at everthing. They say he even got down on his hands and knees, smelled around and looked at the tracks up close. Finally, he stood up and made his 'nouncement. He said shore 'nuff, there'd been a bigfoot up there. And that's when he pulled out his cellar phone and called somebody, prob'ly them gov'ment fellers that come up here in them gray trucks. He told them that was standin' around up there that he could smell that bigfoot plain as day.
But there was plenty of tracks to be seen too. They was all over the place 'cept where the hawgs had tromped 'em down. It'd headed back toward the woods and there wouldn't nothin' do but for the ol' perfesser to track it down. He told 'em he'd been huntin' bigfoots half all his life and this was the closest he ever got to one and he wasn't 'bout to let it get away. He cut him a good stout walkin' stick and took off trailin' it.
They say Perfesser seemed like he sorta come alive when he hit that trail, like he'd been settin' around waitin' for the grim reaper and now that he had a bigfoot to track, it give him somethin' to live for. Me and Rosebud wasn't amongst them that was followin' along with him but them that was said they had trouble stayin' up with the ol' codger. Ever now and then he'd stop and look all around, maybe check out a broke twig or look at a tuft of hair he plucked off'n the side of a tree, then he'd take off again.
A few hours later they found theirselves way back in the deep woods, so far back that half of 'em didn't even know where they was at. There was some mumblin' about bein' on the trail of a bigfoot out in the middle of nowheres and didn't have no gun or nothin' to pertect theirselves. Everbody'd just took off follerin' him like they was goin' on a picnic. Perfesser had his walkin' stick, but they wasn't nobody lookin' for'ds to runnin' up on no bigfoot without nothin' but a walkin' stick.
Somebody said, hey, it's gettin' on towards dark and it's rank foolishness to be out in the woods trailin' a bigfoot in the dark. Perfesser wasn't none too happy about it, but he finally said okay and they started stragglin' back towards Jimbo's where they'd left their trucks. They'd start out again at first light in the mornin', they said, this time with guns and dawgs.
The ol' perfesser didn't wait 'til mornin' though. Soon as they was out of sight, he took off again, just him and his walkin' stick. I reckon he figgered the trail'd get cold if he waited 'til mornin' and he wasn't about to let that bigfoot get away. There was a full moon that night and he trailed it all the way up to that dry-warsh over on the other side of Red Knoll. That's where they tracked him to the next mornin'.
I don't know what they expected to find next mornin', but there shore wasn't no Perfesser. No bigfoot neither. One of them gov'ment men said it looked like Perfesser and that bigfoot thing just went strollin' along outta there. Nobody knows for shore, but everbody's thinkin' that him and the bigfoot talked it over and decided not to wait around for them gov'ment men. And I don't know the truth of it, but somebody said they seen 'em together, crossin' a road up at the head of the holler.
Some say ol' Perfesser's a fool for takin' off with a bigfoot like that, but I don't reckon he much cares what people think. The one that said he seen 'em said he was smilin' and seemed like he had a spring in his step.
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