ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT
AND SOME THAT AIN'T
Howdy folks! This hereís olí Pete and Rosebud cominí at you again!
Did I tell you about my mule Rosebud gettiní on my case the other day? Yeah, she accused me of telliní tall tales. Can you figger that? I mean, like true enough, I stretch things a little ever now and again, but not so much that you canít see the truth shininí through. Iíve knowed some tall tale tellers in my time, and I canít hold a light to most of íem.
Speakiní of which, Rosebud her own self, the very one thatís flung the hurtful words at me, ainít exactly no pillar of truth her own self. Let me put it this way, if the truth was a big olí giant rock, Rosebud would have a pile of gravels. The truth is there but youíve got to put it together. But thereís one thing in her favor. She donít make up stuff that ainít so to tell you. It just comes out wrong without her tryiní sometimes.
I reckon I look at things a little different from most people. Most people, if you ask íem, will tell you that blackís black and whiteís white and there ainít no in between ground. I donít look at it like that. I think thereís some gray in there in between, but most people wouldnít know black from white if it was to bit íem on the hind end right out in the middle of the road. What most people will tell you is the truth as far as they know. They just donít know the whole truth. So, lookiní at it like that, the truth sorta depends on whoís telliní it.
I know thatís how Rosebud is. You ask her a question and she gives you a answer. So letís say you ask her if she can fly a airplane. Thatís a good question. Either you know how to fly a airplane or you donít. A yes or no will tell the story. So, you ask Rosebud if she knows how to fly a airplane and sheís gonna say no. I mean, no, she donít know how to fly no airplane. If you ask me, thatís what Iím gonna tell you ícause Iíve knowed her all her life and I know she ainít never even been in no airplane and shore donít know nothiní about how to fly one. She couldnít even start the motor. And if she was up in the air in one and the pilot was to jump out and leave her up there in it by herself, she couldnít get the thing back down on the ground without splatteriní herself all over half the county. So I say it again, no. She canít fly no airplane.
Thatís me telliní you the truth, but it ainít my question to answer. Youíve asked Rosebud if she can fly an airplane. And her answer ainít gonna be mine. Yes. Thatís what sheís gonna tell you. Yes, she can fly a airplane. Sheíll look you right in the eye when she says it and if you didnít know she canít fly one, youíd swear it was the truth. So sheís told you a lie, right? No. But let me ísplain out why I say that.
Rosebud told me about a dream she had about flyiní a airplane one time. She said it was the realest dream she ever had. Said she was settiní up there behind the steeriní wheel of this great big olí two-engine airplane. She didnít know why she was settiní there but she was and she mashed the starter button on one of the engines and it come alive. Then she punched the starter button on the otheríun and it started up. Then she pulled back on this handle and them motors started revviní up and she took that big olí airplane down the runway and roared off up into the sky. Said it was wonderful. Said she knowed everthing she needed to do to drive that thing and she just flew and flew and flew till she woke up.
She used to set and talk to me íbout flyiní that big olí airplane just like it really happened. It was real to her. She allus wanted to dream it again, but she never did. But that donít make no difference. She done it once so she knows how to do it. So the way she looks at it, she knows how to fly a airplane. It donít make no difference if she ainít never been in naryíun or not. Dreaminí it was enough to show her that she could do it if she got the chance. See what I mean?
Now, before you bristle up at Rosebud, let me say this. You say things that you think is the truth that ainít got a grain of truth in íem. No, I donít know what they are, but I know people well enough to know they do things like that.
Itís like the gal that gets to telliní about this olí boy thatís started workiní down there at the store where theyíve all been goiní. Sheíll tell all the other girls that thereís this real good lookiní feller workiní down there. Heís so fine, she tells íem, that. . . well, heís so good lookiní theyíve just gotta go see for theirselves. So all the other girls go down there to take a look see for theirselves and they see this olí boy standiní there and one of íem says, ďThat canít be him. That olí boyís so ugly he gives ugly a bad name. Hawgs wouldnít eat out of the same trough with him.Ē So was it a lie about him beiní good lookiní? No, itís just that different people see things different.
So if Rosebud tells me she knows how to fly a airplane, to her itís the truth. She knows in her heart that she can do it just like I know in my heart that she canít. And itís the same way with me. If I tell you somethiní that sounds like itís a tall tale, well, maybe itís just the way Iím a lookiní at it. Or maybe Iíve just had a excitiní life. Shore, that could be it.
Besides, some of íem is true.
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