ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT
AND SOME THAT AIN'T
Howdy folks! This here's ol' Pete and Rosebud comin' at you again!
How's it been goin' with you since the last time? Okay with me and my mule Rosebud, I reckon. It's one of them betwixt and between times up here in the holler right now, in between 'lection day and Thanksgivin' so there ain't much been goin' on. Well, 'cept Rosebud started a bizness to raise a little Christmas money and has gone outta bizness. Which ain't no surprise. She don't know nothin' about bizness. One time she tried startin' a dawg-walkin' bizness, but it didn't go over. I tried to tell her it wouldn't, that nobody up here in Gump Holler was gonna pay her to walk their dawg. They're all outside dawgs. It ain't like it is in the city where people keep 'em penned up in the house. Shoot, most people won't even let 'em in the house up here. They scratch 'em out a place up in under the floor. And if it wants to take a walk, it just takes off down the road.
I told her there ain't nobody up here cares if their dawg ever takes a walk or not. But she wouldn't listen to me. She had to try it for herself. I guess that's best. If I'd talked her out of it, she would've always suspicioned in the back of her mind that it would've worked and it was my fault that she didn't do it. This way, she tried it and it didn't work so now she knows. She won't have to wonder about it.
No, serious now, Rosebud might make big it some day. She ain't yet, but she might. People do sometimes, y'know. If you've got a dream, you've gotta try. I remember back when I was younger, I thought about goin' into bizness but I let somebody talk me out of it. I never did try it and I've always wondered if I done the right thing. If I had gone on and tried it, even if it didn't work, even if I fell flat on my face, at least I'd know for shore. The way it is, I don't know if it would've worked or not. This way, I ain't never gonna know.
I still think about it sometimes and I always wish I'd gone ahead and tried it. And, to tell you the truth, I've got a little bit of a bad feelin' toward the ol' boy that talked me out of it. I know I ort not feel that way. I ain't got no right to feel hard toward him for it. It ain't his fault. If there's anybody to blame, it's me. It was my own doin'. All he done was tell me what he thought. If I didn't want to know, I ort not to have asked him. And I could've put what he said aside. Lord knows there's lots of people that's give me advice that I didn't take.
That's why I didn't say nothin' when she told me about this latest thing she come up with, this thing about computers and the inner-net. Okay, here we go again I'm thinkin', but I kept my mouth shut. Well, not plum shut. I grunted and slapped her on the backside like I thought it was a sure fire thing and she was fixin' to be the world's next bejillionaire. I mean, she's gonna do it anyhow. I might as well try and give her a little 'couragement. Who knows? She might hit the big time. Yeah, that'll be the day.
And them other times I started mouthin' off to Rosebud, she didn't ask me what I thought about it. I just told her without bein' asked. When I did, though, it didn't bother her nary bit. She ain't one to care a whole lot about what somebody thinks. She just lets all my good advice roll off her like water off a duck's back. And, as bad as I hate to admit it, that was exactly what she ort to of done.
I don't go round thinkin' bad thoughts about the feller that talked me out of my big idea. I don't hold no grudge or nothin', but sometimes the thought will cross my mind. What would it have been like if so-and-so hadn't talked me out of tryin' what I was thinkin' about doin' way back yonder? Would I be rich now? If not rich, would I be well-to-do? Yeah, the thought is still there. As much as I'd like to say it's all forgot about, it ain't. It still pops into my head ever now and again when I ain't expectin' it.
Chances are I'd have ended up right where I am anyhowup here tryin' to scratch out a livin' on this ol' farm, too pore to pay attention. But that don't make no difference. After it's all said and done, I'm left with that naggin' feelin' way in the back of my mind tellin' me things could have been a lot better if I hadn't listened to bad advice.
So what have I learned? I've learnt to be real careful about givin' advice to Rosebud. Or anybody else as far as that goes. I try not to do it atall, but it's hard. If I see her doin' somethin' dumb, and she does a lot of dumb things, it's the hardest thing in the world for me to just set back and keep my trap shut. She ain't never appreciated none of it. Of course it could be the way I said it. I ain't never been real good about sweetin' up the things I say to her. "A fence post knows better than that," I'd tell her. "Didn't your mama learn you nothin' when you was a colt?" I know there ain't nobody likes to have their thinkin' compared to a fence post. But, like I say, sometimes I'm just too plain spoken.
Time, though, I was really hopin' she'd pull it off and make some money to get me a nice Christmas present. Yeah.
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